PARTHURBLOG

At a conference many moons ago, we were listening to Shoshana Zuboff, one of the hot US business-academic-gurus of the time. Her book was a New York Times bestseller, and she had the answers to all our problems.

Her theme was the shift to digital, and its impact on work and organizations (this was many, many moons ago). It was stirring stuff, and I admit that despite my English scepticism, she was sweeping me along. Then she used a phrase that slammed on the brakes:

“Informating the economy.”

Informating? Informating?? If it’s possible to hear a wince, mine was audible in the neighbouring State.

A fellow English colleague, who had been on assignment for a couple of years, was sitting behind me and leant forward to whisper in my ear. In his best cod-American accent he said:

“Paul. There is no noun that cannot be verbed.”

I think of that every time someone wants a project to be architected. Or a meeting needs to be diarized. And the pedant in me attempts to push back the tide.

But you know that the battle is lost when an august institution whose very existence is to protect language and culture starts taking short cuts for fear of losing the micro-second attention span of its readership.

Curate: n a member of the clergy

Curator: n keeper or custodian of a museum

Guest: n a person invited to visit; an outside performer invited to take part

Guest curate: v a term made up by an illiterate copywriter and signed off by the British Library.

It shouldn’t be a picture of Henry on the poster; it should be King Canute.

Popularity: 39% [?]

Here’s a useful rule-of-thumb when dealing with the world of Design: the more esoteric the description, the wider the road you should cross to avoid it.

Philippe Starck – the French creator of War-of-the-Worlds lemon squeezers – has just set out his stall on the side of a veritable Champs-Elysees.

When not doing a ‘Siralan’ in Design for Life on BBC2 (that’s The Apprentice in a black T-shirt, with better coffee and a Gaulloise), he’s been creating loudspeakers for style-conscious  iPhonistas.

Or rather he hasn’t been. M Starck’s mission was apparently not about technology at all. His work is far more elemental:

So there we are. £1000 to buy a fart.

I’m in the wrong job.

Popularity: 16% [?]

“It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consistent of believing, or in disbelieving; it consists of professing to believe what he does not believe.” Thomas Paine

It is Sunday morning. Ben and I sit in the kitchen. I skim the pages of a broadsheet, while my 13 year-old son reads one of yesterday’s supplements; he’s found a review of a new X-box game that, at a guess, involves disembowelling vampires.

BEN: That’s really cool.

ME (not looking up from the Arts section): Have you played it?

BEN: No. But it’s got 5 stars in here.

ME (wondering about getting tickets for the new ‘Godot’): And that makes it ‘cool’ does it, because it says so in there?

BEN: Well, it’s why we buy the big papers, isn’t it?

And I realise that I am at one of life’s key parental conversations. We’ve talked about sex, about bullying, about drugs. Now it’s ‘truth’ in the press.

M: How do you think a newspaper makes money, Ben? Where does my £1.50 actually go?

B: The paper shop?

M: Yes – to Mr Singh, and to the distributor who delivers the papers to the shop each morning. By the time they’ve taken their cut, it doesn’t leave very much for the people who make the papers. So how does a newspaper make its money?

We pause. Ben flicks a page or two, looking for a picture of a hole to crawl into.

All he can find is listings for London cinemas.

B: Advertising.

M: Spot on. The newspapers sell space to companies who want to sell things to their readers. No advertising, no newspapers. So the first thing to remember about newspapers is that their business purpose isn’t to print news. It’s to generate advertising revenue.

B: Cool. So why do newspapers write all this sort of stuff? (He points at a feature about a soap actress in the ‘Property’ section.) Why not just run ads?

M: Because too much advertising wouldn’t be very interesting, then no one would buy the paper. That’s the publisher’s dilemma. It’s a question of balance.

B: So get more journalists writing more stories.

M: Well, that’s good for you as a reader, but not good for the publisher as a business. That’s more cost.

B: But there’s loads of writing in these papers, pages and pages of news.

M: Is there? What is ‘news’, Ben?

B: Um…Stories about things that happen in the world. Gaza and the Credit crunch and things like that.

M: And all the sections of this newspaper are full of that, are they?

B: Well, no. Looking at this part (the listings insert he has in front of him), it’s got records and dvds and films and stuff.

M: A famous newspaper publisher called Randolph Hearst once said: “News is something that somebody, somewhere doesn’t want to see in print. Everything else is publicity.”

B: So what’s this? (He points to the soapstar ‘profile’).

M: Read the final paragraph – the bit in italics.

B: “The Notting Hill flat is on the market for £675,000 with Foxtons”

He stops and smiles. A penny drops, and for the next few minutes he’s ploughing through pages of newsprint, looking for publicity stories: a disgraced MP and his new book; a glamour model and her new TV series.

B: Jokes! (it’s a different language, but I’m keeping up) It’s all Publicity! All of it!

M: Well, not quite ALL. But most of it is. And the reason is simple – it’s cheaper than news. News takes time to research, time to collate, time to write, time to check. And as the businessman running the newspaper, you want to cut your costs – but you need to keep the amount of editorial content, because your readers demand it.

B: So make the journalists work harder.

M: Going to be a media mogul when you grow up? Despite the stereotype, most journalists and editors are incredibly productive. But when the advertising people sell more space, it creates a need for more editorial to keep that balance. So it becomes very tempting to use packaged material from publicists and agents and PRs, who are being paid for by someone else.

B: So the editor can fill more space, while the publisher keeps his costs down. Cool. So is this publicity?

He has found a ‘car of the year’ piece by Jeremy Clarkson. To a teenage would-be petrol-head, Clarkson is a deity.

M: Well, it has no news value, but it isn’t promoting anything in particular. So we’ll call it Entertainment – one of the main reasons people chose their Sunday paper.

B: So what about all this (he points back at the cinema listings).

M: That’s the fifth type on content. That’s Information; helpful facts to help you make decisions. You’ll find a lot of those in the Sundays, especially in the Travel sections.

B: News. Advertising. Publicity. Entertainment. Information. Is that it?

M: Pretty much. It’s a good filter to apply each time you read the paper – especially to weed out the PR man’s dream – Publicity that’s being presented as News. Put it in another order, and it spells PAINE.

B ??

M : Thomas Paine was a man who lived round the time of the American and French Revolutions. He wrote a couple of very famous books, The Rights of Man and The Age of Reason. He was quite complicated, and no friend of the Church or the English Government, but all you need to remember is his basic philosophy – we should each think for ourselves. So when you read the paper, and to make sure you read with a questioning mind, remember PAINE. Think for yourself, not the way that others want you to think.

Fatherly advice duly dispensed, I head for a morning shower. Twenty minutes later, Ben is standing in the bedroom door.

B: I looked up Paine on the web. He might have written those books, but he died in poverty and no one went to his funeral.

M : Yes, well, ermm…

B : I bet the man who publishes the Sunday paper won’t die poor.

M : Probably not.

B : Although all that stuff we talked about, that’s on the internet for free. So ‘praps he will.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Listening to Mark Kermode’s round-up of ‘Films of the 2008′ the most damning thing he said about the latest Bond, Quantum of Solace, was that the blatant product placement didn’t interrupt the narrative of the movie.

Because there is no narrative.

With the major film studios now spending over $100m just to promote a movie, all financial contributions are being gratefully received. Similarly, as advertisers find it increasingly difficult to be heard about the din of the marketplace, communicating with a captive audience is an opportunity too good to miss.

Expect to see a lot more blatant product placement in the near future, as the boundaries between the studios, media owners, technology providers and distribution networks become increasingly blurred.

The shift to digital also creates new possibilities. I predict that soon, brand managers and corporate sponsors will be able to insert their product or message into the studios’ back catalogues. Indeed, I am setting up a new agency to advise in this area. Here are my initial thoughts on possible ‘value enhancing synergies’.

Apple – All About Eve

Guinness – Black Narcissus

Ann Summers – Brief Encounter

Parcelforce – Deliverance

Fairy Liquid – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Dyson – Gone with the Wind

Kleenex – Home Alone

Strepsils – Little Voice

Skype – Look Who’s Talking

Audi – Lord of the Rings

Dulux – Magnolia

Tarmac – Paths of Glory

Harrods – The Prince of Egypt

Ronseal – Rabbit Proof Fence

Velcro – Hook

London Stock Exchange – Raging Bull

Chelsea Football Club – Roman Holiday

Rolls Royce – Silent Running

Michelin – Star Wars

Google – The China Syndrome

Greggs – The Fabulous Baker Boys

Eurostar – The French Connection

Microsoft – The Great Dictator

Rotring – The Thin Blue Line

News International – The Wizard of Oz

All further ideas and suggestions are most welcome…

Popularity: 41% [?]