PARTHURBLOG

“So are you English or British?”

My questioner was an American who lives in Switzerland. We were talking about the notion of  identity, nationality and belonging. (He’d given up on his ‘homeland’ 20 years ago).

“Actually, Paul,” he continued, sensing good sport to be had at the expense of a limey, “what does it  mean to be British?”

It is a touchy subject; start picking at that thread and soon you’re unravelling an entire cardigan of immigration, race, devolution, Anglo-Saxons, Normans, Vikings, Jutes, Picts, Celts, Bretons, third-generation Asians,  and the fact that St George was Turkish.

I couldn’t give him a pre-packed, well-delineated answer. I don’t know what membership rules for ‘Club Britain’ say. I’ve never looked – but then again, if they do exist, they’ll be as dry and uninspiring a late train announcement.

Rules don’t make things come to life; it’s the interpretation and creativity within rules that matter. So I gave my Swiss-American friend a list of 10 things that would give him a rounded experience of the British “brand”.

It’s not a list of top tourist attractions or the usual historic monuments. It’s neither politically correct nor hankering for a Britain that no longer exists.

Rather, it’s a taster of the (almost) everyday; the common-place that is so close, we almost don’t notice it. But to a foreigner…

BBC Radio 4: some of the best comedy, most of the best talk, great drama (every day of the week), long-running threads that link back to a bygone age… each of the individual items is a litmus test of the British psyche. As a whole, the very fact that it exists at all is a wonder;

Car Boot Sales: who needs new-fangled-internet-nonsense like eBay, when you can get rid of unwanted bric-a-brac in a field, out the back of your pride and joy? Combining two great British passions – cars and the accumulation of stuff – the car boot is now one of the main retail segments of the economy. All human life is here, from the stupid (“I like your dress. Do you have it in a size 16?”) to the sublime (“Emily is selling all her dolls and crayons to raise money for Haiti”). A unique cultural institution.

Cheeses: we have no monopoly on fine cheese (the French have a fair claim to at least 2 spots in the World Top 10), but we are bloody good at it. And the range so much defines the nation. Cheddar, Cheshire, Derby, Double Gloucester, Lancashire, Leicester, Stilton, Wensleydale – almost a dairy atlas;

Curry Houses: 30 years ago, it would have been fish & chips, but that’s been replaced by the ‘cuzza’, and its ubiquity says much about Britain’s colonial past, post-war immigration, and our diversity today. The curry house is such a democratic place: all strands and layers of society will rub shoulders in the same venue;

Evening Classes: American writers may dominate the self-improvement shelves, but that’s all talk and wishful thinking. Rather than just believing things will get better, Brits get down to the local institute or college to actually learn. From genealogy to pot-throwing, first aid to astronomy, the evening class is the source of enlightenment, social contact, and the occasionally thrilling still life;

Friday Night Bingeing: I did say this was a rounded experience of the British brand, which means warts-and-all. While others will include the great British pint in the Top Ten, there’s an underside to our relationship with alcohol that singles us out, not for the better. I can explain the roots of everything else on this list. Friday Nights remain a mystery;

Gardens: there’s no other country in the world quite so in love with gardening as the British. Not at the even-if-I-only-have-a-window-box-I’m-going-to-grow-something level. From the Chelsea Show to the well-maintained front lawn, gardening is part of our warp and weft;

Newspapers: I know this is my second slice from the media pie, but there’s no escaping that our national and regional press help define our culture – not only by their content, just by their presence. In the scheme of things, we’re a tiny island, and yet every day we produce and consume The Courier, The Daily Express, The Daily Mail, The Financial Times, The Guardian, The Herald, The Mirror, The Star, The Sun, The Telegraph, The Times, The Western Mail. This roster – supported by hundreds of  local titles – is struggling to adapt to the free, online world. Enjoy it while you can;

Tea: ahhh, the Empire. When the sun never set, and the atlas was pink. The further away we get, the more we revise the revisions of a revisionist history. We were worse than we thought; we were better than we feared. No matter – at least it left us with the cuppa. Universal placebo, fuel for the labouring man (“tea with two”), oil for the mechanism of polite society;

War Memorials: almost without exception, every village, town or city has memorial to its fallen. The fact that they exist says much about the national character; the fact that they are cared for and are the focal point across the nation at least one day a year says much more. Even as I type this, I have a lump in my throat.

* * *

So that’s my list. It’s not wholly arbitrary (I gave it more than a few minutes thought), but it will probably change if you ask me again tomorrow.

Your list may well be completely different, but I have the notion that through collective wisdom, we can create the definitive Top 10 (perhaps 20) things that a visitor must experience if s/he is going to really have a taste of Britain today.

Over to you…

Popularity: 49% [?]

So, this is one of 200,000,000 blogs ‘out there’.

Hmm. Feels rather crowed…

Hype or hope: the world will be a different place by the time you get to the end of this video.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Listening to Mark Kermode’s round-up of ‘Films of the 2008′ the most damning thing he said about the latest Bond, Quantum of Solace, was that the blatant product placement didn’t interrupt the narrative of the movie.

Because there is no narrative.

With the major film studios now spending over $100m just to promote a movie, all financial contributions are being gratefully received. Similarly, as advertisers find it increasingly difficult to be heard about the din of the marketplace, communicating with a captive audience is an opportunity too good to miss.

Expect to see a lot more blatant product placement in the near future, as the boundaries between the studios, media owners, technology providers and distribution networks become increasingly blurred.

The shift to digital also creates new possibilities. I predict that soon, brand managers and corporate sponsors will be able to insert their product or message into the studios’ back catalogues. Indeed, I am setting up a new agency to advise in this area. Here are my initial thoughts on possible ‘value enhancing synergies’.

Apple – All About Eve

Guinness – Black Narcissus

Ann Summers – Brief Encounter

Parcelforce – Deliverance

Fairy Liquid – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Dyson – Gone with the Wind

Kleenex – Home Alone

Strepsils – Little Voice

Skype – Look Who’s Talking

Audi – Lord of the Rings

Dulux – Magnolia

Tarmac – Paths of Glory

Harrods – The Prince of Egypt

Ronseal – Rabbit Proof Fence

Velcro – Hook

London Stock Exchange – Raging Bull

Chelsea Football Club – Roman Holiday

Rolls Royce – Silent Running

Michelin – Star Wars

Google – The China Syndrome

Greggs – The Fabulous Baker Boys

Eurostar – The French Connection

Microsoft – The Great Dictator

Rotring – The Thin Blue Line

News International – The Wizard of Oz

All further ideas and suggestions are most welcome…

Popularity: 41% [?]